Revisit: Uwe Boll's Postal

A Vivendi Entertainment release 2008

Directed by Uwe Boll

Written by Uwe Boll & Bryan C. Knight

In the ironically named city of Paradise, a recently laid-off loser teams up with his cult-leading uncle to steal a peculiar bounty of riches from their local amusement park; somehow, the recently arrived Taliban have a similar focus, but a far more sinister intent.



Postal is easily one of the most crass, vile, despicable, idiotic, offensive, piece of shit movies I have ever seen. Written & directed by the über-awful Uwe Boll (unanimously considered and self-proclaimed worst filmmaker alive today), the film aims for every bottom barrel, low-blow, everything-but-the-kitchen-sink kind of joke imaginable, punctuated by random outbursts of extreme violence. Targets of comedy include terrorists, obese women, blacks, Jews, President Bush, welfare recipients, hippies, 9-11, Osama Bin Ladin, movie executives, conspiracy theorists, American corporations -- you name it, if it can somehow be twisted into something offensive or violent, it's in there.

To give you a sense of what I mean, here's the opening sequence:



For some reason Dave Foley gives a pretty damn good performance in the film and shows his cock for at least five minutes. Poor Dave Foley.

While the movie is pretty goddamn awful, it's much more well made than any of Boll's previous efforts -- the lighting is well done, edits relatively smooth, and effects surprisingly... effective. All in all I didn't mind watching it because: 1) it didn't hurt my eyes and 2) I was pretty damn stoned. I even chuckled a bit at some parts. After all, I'm a crass man, and I like crass humor. But still, it amazes me that this film even made it past the scripting level. It's really that vile and tactless.

I'm sure this film will slowly but surely develop a small cult following and one day be considered by a select group to be a work of idle genius. Some people just like really stupid shit. To be fair, it does have the trimmings of a cult film. But it also lacks any sort of dignity or redeeming value, short of its tasteless jokes. For the overly curious only.



Yeah, fuck you too, buddy...

Revisit: Street Trash

A Synapse Films release 1987

Directed by J. Michael Muro

Written by Roy Frumpkes & J. Michael Muro

When a liquor store owner finds a case of "Viper" in his cellar, he decides to sell it to the local hobos at one dollar a bottle, unaware the drink causes its consumers to melt. Two homeless lads find themselves up against the effects of the toxic brew, as well as a Vietnam vet with sociopathic tendencies, and the owner of the junkyard they live in.



This inane horror-comedy is one of the dirtiest, grossest, grungiest things I've ever seen. If you're a fan of splatter flicks it's a must see. People explode, they melt into piles of goo, one guy even gets his dick ripped off. It's disgusting. And great.

The plot isn't important -- you could even watch it with the sound off, but I guess you'd lose some of those nasty sound effects. There is some commentary on post-Vietnam vets and their quality of life -- a great scene at night in the dump with a ranting vet and a terrifying pan shot stands out -- but you're not watching this flick for the social commentary. You're watching it for the blood.



Here are most of the great scenes. There's another one of these on youtube somewhere. I highly recommend seeking this out if you're a splatter fan but the casual movie goer might want to stay away, especially if you're squeamish.

Revisit: The Sniper

A Columbia Pictures release 1952

Directed by Edward Dmytryk

Writing credits:
Edna Anhalt (story)
Edward Anhalt (story)
Harry Brown

Rejected by women all his life, a loner with a high-power rifle starts on a murder spree.

This black and white B-crime noir from the early fifties remains fun depsite it's heavy pro-institutionalization reform sentiments. It also eerily echos that recent D.C. Sniper case. If you're a fan of crime films, it's worth checking out.