Saturday, February 24, 2007

Rules of Thumb

Looking for something to watch tonight? I'm going to be constantly updating this checklist so you know what to avoid. Add your Rental Rules of Thumb to the comments section, as well!


1. Avoid anything with Meg Ryan

2. If the movie stars Forrest Whitaker, pay close attention to his right eye. You can gauge the quality of the film based on how lazy his eye is. If it's super lazy, then you know it's a stinker. Sometimes it gets lazier as the film progresses; that means the movie is just going to get worse.

Note the laziness of Forrest's right eye in this still from Joel Schumacher's Phone Booth. That means this film blows.

3. Avoid these directors.

4. Avoid films that haven't been screened for critics. Most modern film criticism isn't worth shit these days, so if the distributors don't feel like wasting their time, you shouldn't be wasting yours.

5. Avoid films that feature Chris Cornell on the soundtrack.

6. Avoid anything my Grandparents recommend.

7. Avoid anything this guy recommends (with the occasional exception).

More Rules coming soon!

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