Review: Observe & Report

A Warner Brothers release 2009

Written & Directed by Jody Hill

Bi-polar mall security guard Ronnie Barnhardt is called into action to stop a flasher from turning shopper's paradise into his personal peep show. But when Barnhardt can't bring the culprit to justice, a surly police detective is recruited to close the case.



After the delirious high that was Eastbound & Down, I had much hope for this comedy helmed by Eastbound co-creator Jody Hill. Mr. Hill, it seems, has a penchant for mining foul-mouthed, aggressive, unlikeable characters for comedy gold. Unfortunately the schtick is too thin here. Hill's script doesn't push far enough, and Seth Rogan is terribly miscast as the bi-polar, pill popping mall cop. Rogan is too jovial and affable to make the deranged, obsessive personality of his character come to life. And since most, if not all of the film rests on his shoulders, it falls flat in the end.

Supporting actors Ray Liotta and Anna Faris are given little to work with; in fact, their presence barely registers. Sadly, most of the film suffers from this half-assed feel -- characters feel more like sketches, and the plot meanders without much story supporting it. The events of the film sort of just happen, there's no rhyme or reason to it. Through lines are set up and then left sitting for a while until they either resolve themselves or are forgotten. Others simply barely exist to begin with, like a feud between Ronnie and an Arab store worker that is basically comprised of a bunch of Fuck you!'s back and forth.

Ronnie's personality troubles are glossed over with the blanket "bi-polar" explanation, except nothing about what Ronnie says or does is particularly emblematic of someone actually suffering from bi-polar disorder. This was particularly upsetting to me; it seems to be a recent trend in films to use bi-polar disorder as an excuse for a character's odd or aggressive behavior. Anyone who acts out of tune in a film is suddenly a "bi-polar" character, regardless of the accuracy of the representation. Someone needs to call bullshit on this: bi-polar disorder is real, and to use it simply as an excuse to create batshit aggressive characters is unacceptable. There's a way to constructively explore bi-polar disorder and it's affects on people, even through comedy, but so far it's only been approached as a blank justification for petty behavior, and I ain't buying.

But forget the bi-polar thing: many critics and outspoken individuals have been up in arms about a scene in which Rogan's character is having sex with a seemingly unconscious Anna Faris, only to hear her cry out "I didn't tell you to stop, mother fucker!" when he begins to second guess his actions. "Date rape!" they cried. "Inappropriate! Too far!" Frankly, I think that's also bullshit; the joke didn't go far enough. It would have been funnier if they had taken that line out. You can't push a joke that far, only to pull it back at the end. It sucks the wind right out of the sails. Likewise, there's nothing suggestive in the scene that it promotes date rape or paints it in a positive light. That scene to me embodies the entire problem of the movie: Jody Hill can't seem to decide if he's going for a caustic, aggressively dark tone or Apatow-style slapstick raunch. He ends up with neither.

Observe & Report is a film that has a lot of ideas working underneath it but ends up with few of them making it onto the screen. It's a shame. The film suffers from so many tonal shifts and such a lack of breadth that it comes across as a faint blip. Hopefully they're just saving all the goods for Eastbound Season 2.

Review: Watchmen

A Warner Brothers film 2009

Directed by Zack Snyder

Written by David Hayter & Alex Tse

When an ex-superhero is murdered, a vigilante named Rorschach begins an investigation into the murder, which begins to lead to a much more terrifying conclusion.



Long considered 'unfilmable', Watchmen is one of the most celebrated graphic novels of all time, and often credited for ushering in an era of more serious, cerebral, adult-themed comic books. Hollywood took stabs at bringing Alan Moore & Dave Gibbon's time-altering, mind-bending grit fest to the screen for nearly 3 decades, with everyone from Paul Greengrass to Terry Gilliam to Michael Bay set to direct. Zack Snyder finally succeeded in producing the film, which finally hit theaters this week after much fanboy anticipation.

Fanboys like myself, who fell in the love with the graphic novel's sharp thematic and formal critique of the medium, as well as it's intense philosophical and political exploration, engrossing characters and wonderfully rich universe. Watchmen the novel is as complete a package as one could ever expect or want; a vast and detailed world with no stone unturned tenderly committed to the page.

Which begs the question -- why make it into a movie at all? Particularly one that adheres so faithfully to it's source?

Of course, that's the question I asked myself before the movie was released, and after having seen it, I'm not sure I have a full answer. From a business standpoint, I could understand why the movie was made -- large built-in fan base, a film that paves the way for grittier, more difficult graphic novel adaptations, and lots of fanboy cred for the distributors. But artistically, what are the merits? It seems there are some, but mainly the film exists as a celebration of Moore & Gibbon's work.

To their credit, Warner Brothers and Mr. Snyder have delivered one balls to the walls, full-force, hard R, uncompromising vision of Watchmen. Like the comic's creators, they left no stone unturned in bringing this epic to the big screen, inserting as much possible detail with extra care. For those unfamiliar with Watchmen's source, the film must be a dizzying experience with many WTF? moments, but fanboys rejoice: never has there been such a detailed adaptation in the history of the medium.

Snyder's visual flair and special effects prowess certainly help bring the panels to exacting life. Some sequences, particularly the Dr. Manhattan chapter, the back-peddling opening credits and almost anything involving Rorschach, are undeniably brilliant. Others, such as the Silk Spectre father reveal and the tweaked ending, lack some of the emotional punch delivered in the novel, but are nonetheless visually arresting.

Perhaps my biggest problem with the film is that it could never replicate all that the novel contains. Much of the climate of the Watchmen universe -- the nuclear war paranoia, the aggression towards authority figures, the degrading of social moral -- is reduced to blanket statements and quick set ups. The majority of the second and third tier characters present in the novel, many of which establish and elaborate these themes to flesh out the temporal backdrop, are absent here. Likewise, many details surrounding the characters origins are trimmed down, making their screen counterparts feel somewhat incomplete.

The music, too, felt jarring to me. The film deserves it's own original score, not some smattering of pop songs that vaguely adhere thematically to the action. I think Warner Brothers were a tad afraid of mainstream audience reactions, and figured if they put some huge pop hits behind some of the more audacious sequences it would make them more palatable. Maybe -- but it also severely undermined the tone. I highly doubt Hendrix would be blasting while Rorcshach and Nite Owl scourge Antarctica for Ozymandias's hideaway.

But with that said, it's amazing how much Synder and his team managed to cram into this two and a half hour epic, and it's even more amazing that Warner Brothers was willing to see through on his vision. This is one bloody disgusting, gut-wrenching, depressing, dark as hell film. It's views on humanity and social decency make Dark Knight look like kiddie play time. As does the on-screen sex and violence.

Watching the origins of Dr. Manhattan unfold on screen will remain one of my favorite cinematic moments for a long time. Billy Crudup does an amazing job and really nails the character to the T. But seeing it come alive, watching it unfold in real time -- nothing will ever compare. It's breathtaking. And that alone makes Watchmen worthy of repeat viewings.

And I definitely think I need to see it again, now that the fanboy giddiness is out of my system. It's hard to really critically assess Snyder's formal elements in that malaise. There is too much immediate beauty in the imagery to really look deep into what Snyder uses to shape the story. Regardless, Watchmen remains a unique ride, one that will (probably) never be duplicated.

Review: The 2009 Short Animated Film Oscar Nominees

The Oscars are only a week away, and I finally had some time to sit down and watch all the nominated animated shorts. As per usual, the selection comes from a variety of countries -- Russia, Japan, & France to name a few -- and feature styles ranging from computer animation to traditional hand-drawn. It's always a treat to get to see independent animation up on the big screen, but I felt this year's selection was a tad lackluster.

Nominee Photo Gallery

Of the five films up for the statue, Pixar's Presto was honest to God the best. As much as it hurts me to say it, the Pixar short was just more entertaining: livelier, brighter, sillier, and simply more impressive than the rest of the bunch. A relatively insignificant short about a hungry rabbit and his inept magician owner, the film looks gorgeous and stands head and shoulders above the other entries on technical terms. It goes up against three love stories (one about a Lavatory attendant in a nice but ultimately flat 2D flash design, one from Japan about an old man revisiting his life in gorgeous hand-drawn that's just too long and depressing, and another CG one about Octopi that just doesn't hold a candle to Pixar's lush lighting and shading techniques) and a silly CG animation about two pallbearers that just looks like crap (no offense, producers Mike Judge & Don Hertzfeldt. I still love you and the Animation Show).

The real treats lay in the short list entries, including Plympton's latest Dog short and a real gem from France titled Skhizein about a man who gets hit by a meteor. Worst of the lot was a 24 minute self aggrandizing, overly simplified treatise on the state of the environment called Varmints, directed by Marc Caste. Despite the lush CG and beautiful score by Icelandic composer Johann Johannsson, the film is a gratuitous plea for environmental change. I'll take my metaphors a little less ham-fisted, thank you.

All in all, last year's shorts were a better lot, and I'm surprised so many of the short-listed nominees didn't make it to the top five. Oh well. Either way, it's nice to be able to catch cartoons on the big screen, and I'm glad the AMPAS airs these guys out for everyone to see, even if it is just a glorified screener. (For those who see it -- be on the look out for awful, awful DVD style transitions with insipid quotes about the benefits of the short film medium).

Review: Coraline

Written & Directed by Henry Selick

Based on the book by Neil Gaiman

A young girl walks through a secret door in her new home and discovers an alternate version of her life.



I've seen Coraline twice now and I can't seem to get it out of my head. The mix of intense artistry and chilling children's fantasy is infectious, and incredibly beautiful. As of right now it's my top film of 2009 and sure to be on my top ten list come the end of the year.

There are two major reasons why I love this film. Number one: Henry Selick's incredibly detailed, labor of love animation. This is as good as it gets people -- a fully realized, amazingly in depth 3D world made entirely of miniature puppets and set pieces. A lot of heart and soul went into the making of this film, and every ounce of it shows on screen. Everything from the soundtrack to the V.O. to the little hairs on Coraline's head are pitch perfect. It's truly a wonder to behold, and infinitely more impressive than any computer generated image. It's a shame more filmmakers don't follow in his footsteps.

Number two: Neil Gaiman's beautiful story. A take on the classic Alice in Wonderland, down the rabbit hole type tale, the story of Coraline is as breathtakingly imaginative as the animation that brings it to life. Despite being a fantasy, it doesn't pander to overprotective parents and has some real scares that are sure to upset younger viewers. But no matter -- Gaiman knows that kids are braver than we give them credit, and it's refreshing to see a children's film that isn't all cute animals and silly colors.

The film does have its flaws. Some scenes drag on a tad too long and overall the screen story isn't as streamlined as the novel. But those are some small grievances that were easily overlooked on my first viewing. I may be biased as this film has a lot of elements that tickle my fancy, but seriously -- I don't think I could be friends with anyone who didn't like this film. Selick and Gaiman have done children (and adults) everywhere a service, creating a masterful and resonating work that should be cherished for generations.

Review: Friday the 13th

A Warner Brothers release 2009

Directed by Marcus Nispel

Written by Damian Shannon & Mark Swift

A group of young adults discover a boarded up Camp Crystal Lake, where they soon encounter Jason Voorhees and his deadly intentions.



Not so much a reboot or remake as it is a sequel of sorts, the new Friday the 13th amalgamizes elements from the first three Jason movies to create a 'fresh start' for the series. Continuing where the original Friday the 13th left off -- with Jason's mother being brutally beheaded whilst her son watches in the darkness -- the film quickly dispenses its ludicrous plot involving a weed heist and starts the killing almost right away.

While Jason and his victims may have never looked as stylish or sexy as they do in this entry to the series, they've also never been so damn boring. The strength of a slasher always rests on the creativity of its kills, something this entry severely lacks. Most of the death scenes rely on run of the mill pop up/jump 'look out behind you!' scare tactics, or even blatantly rehash kills from early Jason flicks (ie: the famous jump through the window scene from Part II). Several key story elements, such as the manipulation of Jason's mommy complex, are all lifted from earlier Jason flicks. As a result the whole flick has a been there/done that, I-saw-that-coming-from-a-mile-away type feel.

Rather than amping the creativity of the kills and the omnipresent nature of Jason's character, the film relies on and retools the worst slasher cliches: annoying, bratty, stupid teens and their sick vices. While I commend the filmmakers for managing to get Willa Ford naked and showing an ample amount of breasts, it's hard to sit through a flick where the main characters keep saying "bro" and pound beers till they vomit. Truly they are better off dead. The stupidity and immorality of the victims has always been a major thematic point for these kind of flicks, but I'm not sure if they've ever been quite as vapid or abhorrent.

It would be nice, for a change, to see some relatively decent people go up against the monster that is Jason. Or, perhaps even better, some actual camp counselors. Why does the series always move away from the camp idea? Wouldn't it be more terrifying to see some teenagers dealing with young children as well as a masked psycho killer? Balancing responsibility with survival? Camp Crystal Lake is barely present in these films anymore (at least beyond an overgrown forest/murder scene), and it would be nice to see it return.

Ultimately this reboot/rehash/whatever was all about streamlining the inconic killer and making a version that adhered to our modern technical standards. On that level it succeeds. But as entertainment it's completely inept. Amping all the intolerable cliches and lacking any real creativity, Friday the 13th is a truly awful representation of the slasher genre. Hearing that the guys responsible for this are planning a Nightmare on Elm Street reboot sends shudders through my spine...

FUCK YOU!

You twee-loving arrested-adolescent cutesy-wutesy hipster bullshit fucks. Fuck each and every last one of you. And get out of Brooklyn!!!

Thanks to Noel Murray for writing the review I've been wanting to read for quite some time. I heard about this flick a while back and it made me want to punch face. Glad to hear someone agrees.

Text bold by yours truly to accentuate the awesomeness of this review.

From the AV Club:

Paper Heart

Director: Nicholas Jasenovec (88 min.)
Cast: Charlyne Yi, Michael Cera, Jake Johnson
Headline: Alternative comedian goes looking for love, is unsure if she’s found it
Indie type: Faux-profound faux-doc

Report: Here’s another movie like Cold Souls in which the actors play “themselves” in a plot rooted in an abstract concept. Ostensibly a documentary about the existence of “love” and whether comedian/performance-artist/flibbertigibbet Yi will ever find a love of her own, Paper Heart cuts between scenes of Yi grilling everyday Americans about their romantic histories and scenes of her embarking on a new relationship with puppyish actor Michael Cera. Jasenovec and Yi want to play with the idea of documentary realism and human emotion, by showing scenes of genuine human interaction and then pulling back to reveal that they’re just “scenes.” But beyond the fact that this kind of “living in the camera eye” experiment has been done to death, Paper Heart fails because the very idea of making a playful documentary about whether love exists is, let’s be honest, incredibly dopey. (And I mean “dope” in every sense of the word.) And it doesn’t help that Yi comes off like every arrested-adolescent college sophomore who still carries a lunchbox and thinks kissing is icky, even though she’s still enamored of the idea of having a boyfriend (in an elementary school, passing-notes-at-lunch kind of way). True, those horrible, horrible people are very much a part of American life—they’re a byproduct of a culture in which growing the hell up has become less and less of a priority—but their habits and ways have been pretty well dissected in the recent films of Andrew Bujalski, Joe Swanberg and Greta Gerwig, all of whom apply a fair amount of self-criticism to their inside-out depictions of prolonged post-grad juvenilia. Yi, on the other hand, apparently thinks this crap is still cute. So she concoct this quirk-beset quasi-documentary in which people talk about “love” as though it has nothing to do with commitment, responsibility, sharing, nurturing, and—not incidentally—sex. Frankly, I’ve been over these kinds of movies (and attitudes) for some time now. But there’s really no place for Paper Heart in a post-Humpday world.

Grade: D-

Man, I Wish It Were March

Every time a new Watchmen item is released I get more excited/worried about this film. Watchmen is my all time favorite comic book and one of my favorite books in general. It's a stunning psychological work, incredibly thought provoking and layered with meaning. Dark Knight proved that comic book movies don't have to be all action and silly costumes. Let's hope they get this one right as well.