Review: Friday the 13th

A Warner Brothers release 2009

Directed by Marcus Nispel

Written by Damian Shannon & Mark Swift

A group of young adults discover a boarded up Camp Crystal Lake, where they soon encounter Jason Voorhees and his deadly intentions.



Not so much a reboot or remake as it is a sequel of sorts, the new Friday the 13th amalgamizes elements from the first three Jason movies to create a 'fresh start' for the series. Continuing where the original Friday the 13th left off -- with Jason's mother being brutally beheaded whilst her son watches in the darkness -- the film quickly dispenses its ludicrous plot involving a weed heist and starts the killing almost right away.

While Jason and his victims may have never looked as stylish or sexy as they do in this entry to the series, they've also never been so damn boring. The strength of a slasher always rests on the creativity of its kills, something this entry severely lacks. Most of the death scenes rely on run of the mill pop up/jump 'look out behind you!' scare tactics, or even blatantly rehash kills from early Jason flicks (ie: the famous jump through the window scene from Part II). Several key story elements, such as the manipulation of Jason's mommy complex, are all lifted from earlier Jason flicks. As a result the whole flick has a been there/done that, I-saw-that-coming-from-a-mile-away type feel.

Rather than amping the creativity of the kills and the omnipresent nature of Jason's character, the film relies on and retools the worst slasher cliches: annoying, bratty, stupid teens and their sick vices. While I commend the filmmakers for managing to get Willa Ford naked and showing an ample amount of breasts, it's hard to sit through a flick where the main characters keep saying "bro" and pound beers till they vomit. Truly they are better off dead. The stupidity and immorality of the victims has always been a major thematic point for these kind of flicks, but I'm not sure if they've ever been quite as vapid or abhorrent.

It would be nice, for a change, to see some relatively decent people go up against the monster that is Jason. Or, perhaps even better, some actual camp counselors. Why does the series always move away from the camp idea? Wouldn't it be more terrifying to see some teenagers dealing with young children as well as a masked psycho killer? Balancing responsibility with survival? Camp Crystal Lake is barely present in these films anymore (at least beyond an overgrown forest/murder scene), and it would be nice to see it return.

Ultimately this reboot/rehash/whatever was all about streamlining the inconic killer and making a version that adhered to our modern technical standards. On that level it succeeds. But as entertainment it's completely inept. Amping all the intolerable cliches and lacking any real creativity, Friday the 13th is a truly awful representation of the slasher genre. Hearing that the guys responsible for this are planning a Nightmare on Elm Street reboot sends shudders through my spine...

Remake: Oldboy

Another tip for the bad idea file: /film is reporting Will Smith & Steven Speilberg plan on remaking Chan-Wook Park's Oldboy

Speilberg & Will Smith to remake Oldboy?

There is no reason to remake this movie, but Hollywood's going to do it eventually anyway. It's been in the pipeline since the original was released in the states in 2005. But Will Smith is a very odd choice for this -- I don't think he has the gritty sneer to be able to pull of the titular character. Spielberg is an odd choice as well, considering the dark tone and feel of the film. And how will the hyper-but purposeful-violence of the original translate in a senseless Hollywood version?

Who knows. Who cares. Here's the side-scrolling hammer fight sequence that made the original Oldboy famous. Go rent this flick if you haven't seen it.



Hollywood, you disappoint me.

High & Low Remake

Mamet & Nichols to Remake Kurosawa's High & Low -- /film.com

Been a while since I've posted on here, but this news item prompted me out of retirement. Mike Nichols (Closer, The Graduate) and David Mamet (Glengarry Glen Ross) plan on remaking Kurosawa's classic 1963 drama High & Low. The remake is supposedly going to be produced by Scott Rudin and Martin Scorsese.

This is probably my favorite Kurosawa film, one that's made with a lot of heart and technical skill. The film tells the story of a rich man who must pay ransom for the son of one of his employees. It explores the economic disparity between rich & poor in post-war Japan. Kurosawa's first film to be shot in widescreen, his staging is absolutely incredible. He knew just where to put his actors to maximize each shots impact. And the presentation of geography and the city landscape is also unbelievable.



Normally I'm flat out against remakes of perfect films (and this film is perfect), but my feelings are mixed on this one. While it could never hold a candle to the original, it could be very interesting thematically, considering the current political and economic climate.

Give the original film a look, if you haven't already. You won't be disappointed.

Also, expect more regular posts from here on out. I'm watching more movies and want to make a better record of what I've seen.

I Scream Man

I tend to have strong affinity for super-cheesy horror flicks, the 1995 Clint Howard vehicle Ice Cream Man being the perfect example.

Well, /Film.com is reporting that Crispin Glover just signed on to star in The I Scream Man, an independent horror flick which follows a vengeful ice cream vendor, driven by brutal memories from his twisted past, who wreaks bloody havoc on the small town of Hooper, California.

Is it just me, or do these two films sound exactly the same? It was stupid and cheesy the first time around, what makes them think this will be any different? I love Crispin Glover, and I'm sure he will make this watchable, but simply putting a stronger cast in something that's silly as hell does not make for a better film.

Barbarella to be Remade?

Casino Royale writers to remake Barbarella



A remake of Barbarella has been in the works for years now; originally Drew Barrymore had expressed interest in reviving the film, and now it seems like the writers from Casino Royale, Neal Purvis and Robert Wade, are gonna be tackling the script. Personally, I wish they would leave this film alone - it's one of my favorite sci-fi flicks of all time, a sly mix of camp, eroticism, and absurdity. Part of the reason it works so well is because it's trapped in it's time. You can't recreate the cheesy, psychadelic special effects or recapture the sexuality of Barbarella. A remake would simply imply a sluttier, suped-up version, and that would be terrible. Not too mention that Neal Purvis and Robert Wade don't exactly have the best track record.

They just can't leave anything alone anymore, can they? Oh well. Go out and rent the original with a couple of friends - it makes a great group viewing experience, and is loads of fun. Plus, Jane Fonda is super hot.

Remake Rumors

I hope to god that this is a rumor. Panic in the Streets is a tight little crime thriller directed by one of my favorites, Elia Kazan. It also marked the feature film debut of Jack Palance. It's a great film, one of the best of the genre, and I'd be really disappointed if they let Mel Gibson tinker with it. Hopefully this'll get debunked in a few days, along with those silly Ron Howard to remake Cache rumors.

This is also extremely unnecessary. And from the director of Saw, no less! How horrifying!